


save your strength (and stay alive) : part three

by redhairedmuses



Series: save your strength (and stay alive) [3]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Carlos-centric, Comfort/Angst, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, M/M, Major Character Injury, Owen is the MVP of dads, TK-Centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22668211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redhairedmuses/pseuds/redhairedmuses
Summary: part 3 of the series, save your strength (and stay alive)based on an idea i had a while back on my tumblr, red-hairedwriter7 (hmu if you wanna talk about tarlos and how much these two are going to destroy me emotionally)idea: Carlos is shot while dispatched to a call. There's some angst. There are feelings (lots of feelings). And there's TK who just wants his - boyfriend? his friend with benefits? - to be okay.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)/TK Strand, TK Strand & Owen Strand
Series: save your strength (and stay alive) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1628944
Comments: 12
Kudos: 222





	save your strength (and stay alive) : part three

**Author's Note:**

> thanks again for reading and enjoying the hell out of this series!
> 
> \- natalie

* * *

The rest of the night was a blur. After the house fire call, everyone was exhausted, sore, and aching for a goodnight's rest. They finished packing up their supplies as the scene climbed into the big rig and rolled out towards the station. When they pulled in, it was close to midnight, and everyone was done with the 14-hour shift. Marjan, Paul, and Mateo were the first ones to get out and depart, all of them eager to climb into their beds and get some well-deserved shut-eye. TK made no move to leave his spot in the truck.

Judd hung back while his dad stepped out of the rig, running a hand over his equally tired face. Judd quietly asked if there was any update on Carlos, but his dad shook his head, whispering that Michelle promised to keep him in the loop. Judd gestured to TK, who still sat in the rig, more or less asking if he was going to be okay. His dad had no answer. He clapped a hand on Judd's shoulder, suggesting that they leave TK alone, he'd been through enough that night. Judd took his leave, but his dad stayed behind to wait and watch.

As for TK, he sat in the rig, hands still trembling and his leg bouncing up and down, oblivious to the world around him. Everyone had left, and now, he was alone. He couldn't be that this -  _ this _ \- was his reality. Carlos was lying on some metal table at some hospital with gloved hands searching and retrieving broken pieces of metal that had found themselves in his body. shot, he told himself. The man he cared so much about had been shot. _ Shot. _ All because of some crazed ex who couldn't take "no" for an answer.

TK curled his hand into a tight fist, and with a growl, he climbed out of the rig and slammed the door closed. He didn't even flinch when the sound echoed throughout the station. He stared into the reflection of the truck and saw his dad standing close behind him. His dad looked so sad. He'd seen that same expression several months ago. When they sat side by side after he'd gotten out of the hospital for his overdose. He'd never seen his dad so sad. It was as if his dad couldn't help but wonder if there was something else he could've done. TK couldn't help but wonder if -  _ fuck _ , if they had just gotten there a few minutes earlier. If he had just gotten there in time,  _ Carlos _ would still be -

"TK?" his dad reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You want me to drive you to the hospital? Michelle already sent me the address."

TK hardly said a word. He quietly nodded and allowed himself to be gathered into his dad's arms. With his dad's strong arm around his shoulders, TK trudged up the stairs. His body felt heavier than usual, like he was carrying the weight of the world. His mind fuzzy and his movements slowed, TK was guided to a chair while his dad stepped away to stowaway his gear. TK didn't even hear his dad come back and kneel down in front of him.

"You wanna change?" his dad had asked.

TK shook his head. His eyes flickered down to the blood staining his hand.  _ Carlos'  _ blood. He closed his eyes and clenched his fist. 

"I want to see him first," TK whispered.

"Okay, alright," his dad said with a slow nod. "But I want you to pack a change of clothes, alright?"

TK didn't make any attempt to move from the chair. He simply pointed to his personal locker and slumped further into the chair. He couldn't understand why everything hurt so much. Why couldn't he bring himself to get up and get his own things from his damn locker? He had two functioning legs, and for some fucking reason, they refused to work. 

His dad patted him on the knee, stood up, and walked up to the locker to retrieve TK's gym bag. When he returned, TK forced himself out of the chair and followed his dad to the car parked in the back.

The drive was easy enough. Hardly any traffic for a Thursday night. The storm had come and gone. The rain had reduced to a drizzle, and the wind was now a gentle breeze. People were safe and asleep in their beds, and TK was sitting in his dad's car and heading to see his friend with benefits? lover? boyfriend? - in the hospital. The silence in the car was awkward, to say the least. His dad didn't bother to turn on the radio, so the silence in the car was even worse. 

"So, are you and Officer Reyes - ?" his dad asked once they had stopped at a stoplight.

With a groan, TK shut his eyes and covered them with his hands, shaking his head. He could hear his dad shifting in his seat as they were waiting for the light to turn green.

"Dad, please don't," he croaked, his voice hoarse from earlier. He cleared his throat and let out a shaky breath.

God, he sounded awful. He reached for the water that his dad had hiding in the glove compartment of the car. TK drank the whole bottle and tossed it back into the glove compartment. He thumped his head against the headrest. He wasn't sure how to answer his dad's question. 

What were they exactly? Friends with benefits? Lovers? Sex buddies? 

_ Boyfriends? _

Shaking his head and folding his arms over his chest, TK muttered, "I don't even know what we are, Dad. I like him, but - " He paused and sighed again. He sounded like some teen in a drama flick, in a 'will they', 'won't they' scenario. 

"But?" His dad offered. 

"It's just - look, it's complicated, alright?" TK said with a frustrated sigh. He gestured to outside the window as if he was trying to make a point. "After everything with Alex and New York, I just wanted to feel  _ something,  _ anything. I was so tired of feeling like that. Just numb and everything was so grey and, I just thought,  _ shit _ \- " TK's breath hitched. He swallowed back the sob that climbed its way to his throat. He let out a shaky breath and wiped his eyes. "Then I met Carlos and things were just - "

His dad sighed, nodding as if he understood what he was going through. TK glanced over and watch as his dad's fingers tapped the steering wheel. The light turned green, and the car was on the move again. 

"Easier?" his dad murmured.

"Yeah, easier," TK echoed.

There was a beat of silence, and TK felt the car slow to a spot and park. He looked up, but they were not at the hospital. In fact, they were just a few blocks from it. TK looked over to his dad and noticed that both hands were gripping the steering wheel like a lifeline. His dad's knuckles were white with how tight he was gripping the steering wheel. 

His dad let out a shaky breath and bowed his head, avoiding his questioning gaze. 

"You know, TK, after your mom left, I was in the same position. I was pretty out of it for a while. I thought that if I focused on the job, on raising you, that I'd be okay, but I wasn't," his dad confessed. "I wasn't okay for a long time."

TK stared his expression a confusing mixture of sadness and shock. 

"You've never told me this before," he whispered. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were still a kid, TK," his dad said. TK watched as his dad dropped his hands from the steering wheel and let them flop into his lap. "I did what I had to do to be strong for you. I remarried, got divorced, then the Towers fell. Then you had your accident and the pills, and then there was Alex, and I thought that everything was going to be okay. Then the relapse and the diagnosis, I needed to be strong for you, TK. Always have."

TK felt his heart break at the sight of his dad. He looked so tired and worn out. The job, his son's addiction, and now cancer. Owen Strand had to be one of the strongest people in the world, and TK could honestly say that the person was his dad. TK hastily wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffed. He unbuckled his seatbelt, and when his dad opened his mouth to protest, TK reached across the center console and threw his arms around his dad's shoulders.

"Dad, you don't have to keep doing this. You're not alone, remember? I got you," TK said, burying his face into his dad's shoulder. 

They sat in the car, just holding each other as if they were the only two people in the world. TK was the one who broke the embrace and wiped away his tears. His dad popped the center console open and offered a small box of tissues. TK couldn't help but laugh and take a couple to blow his nose. 

"You always know how to come prepared," TK muttered as his dad started the car again and pulled back onto the road. 

"Well, parenthood's taught me a few tricks," his dad commented with a wink. 

TK leaned back in the seat with a small smile on his face. He almost forgot the reason why he and his dad were in the car for a second, then they rounded the next corner, and TK's heart dropped. 

Right, the hospital.  _ Carlos.  _

TK was adamant about his hatred towards hospitals. Oh sure, the occasional visit to the hospital for a medical call was easy enough. He never had to walk through the automatic doors and be hit with the overwhelming smell of industrial-grade disinfectant, latex, and death. Yes, death had a smell. And it was awful; more than a decomposing body that had been left baking in the Texas heat for 6 hours. TK would happily relive that than walk through those  _ fucking _ doors. 

So, yeah, TK hated hospitals, and at this moment, he hated them more than anything else in his life. 

TK could feel his skin crawling as he and his dad parked the car and approached the doors to the hospital. His dad kept a tight hold on him, a firm hand clasped on his shoulder. TK suppressed a shudder as the automatic doors opened, and they walked inside. Luckily, the hospital was relatively empty. Only one or two patients sitting in the main lobby, all waiting to be seen by a doctor. A few nurses at the central nurses' station, gathered around and chatting over notes. 

They walked through the hospital, opting to take the elevator to the 5th floor: ICU. TK bit his lip, staring up at the ceiling of the elevator. He shook his head.  _ why did this sound like a good idea? this isn't a good idea. not at all. this is stupid. i shouldn't be here. i shouldn't -  _ ding! The elevator's ring tore him from his thoughts, now forcing him to step off and keep going forward. They turned left and found Michelle there waiting for them. She had changed out of her uniform, opting for some black jeans, a black sweater, and sneakers. But despite the change and clothes, TK could still picture the blood -  _ Carlos' blood _ \- on her skin. She was there, and she probably saved his life too. TK made a note to thank her later. He held his breath as she approached them, a sympathetic smile graced her lips. 

"Hey, I'm glad you guys came," Michelle said, patting his dad's arm. She turned to him, her eyes focusing on him. "How are you doing, TK?"

_ terrified. petrified. afraid. worried. angry. scared. lost. _

"I'm okay," TK finally answered. "Is Carlos okay?"

"He was wheeled back from surgery about half an hour ago. He's resting, and so far, everything look's good. I was just going to sit and wait till the doctor came back," Michelle explained. She motioned for them to follow her back towards the waiting room.

"Aren't visiting hours over?" his dad asked as they took their seats in the waiting room. 

"Technically, yes, but the doctor who performed Carlos' surgery owed me a favor, and I needed to cash it in," Michelle said. She rubbed her palms on the top of her thighs and then jerked her head towards the nurse's station. "I'll be right back."

TK felt his anxiety heighten as Michelle walked away. He saw a thin-looking man with round glasses and a white coat - a doctor's coat - approach Michelle. They started whispering to each other. Michelle placed a hand on the doctor's arm, smiled, and then looked in his direction. TK quickly averted his gaze and tuned in to the tiles on the floor. He started to repeat the colors in his head: grey, white, blue. Grey, white, blue. Grey, white, blue. Grey, white - 

"TK?" 

TK looked up at Michelle, who had a single visitor pass in her hands. 

"Here, take this. He's in room 532, it's just down the hall."

There was a look of sympathy written on her face. She smiled and then offered it to him, but TK shook his head, pushing it back towards her. 

"Michelle, he's your friend, you should see him first," TK said. 

"But he only said your name when he was in the ambulance," Michelle replied. 

TK's eyes widened in shock. Or maybe it was fear. Whatever it was, TK couldn't tear his gaze away from Michelle and the visitor's pass in her hand.  _ what? did she say he said - my name? he said my name? Carlos said my name. -  _ He swallowed and then let out another shaky breath. He felt a hand on his knee -  _ Dad,  _ he reminded himself.  _ Dad was here, and he was okay.  _

"He said my name?" TK whispered. 

Michelle nodded, took his hand, placed the pass in his palm, and closed his hand around it. She patted his hand. 

"Yeah. At first, I didn't understand what he was saying, but then it hit it. He was saying your name," Michelle said, shedding a few tears. She hastily wiped them away, a small smile on her lips. "Look, TK, I haven't seen Carlos this happy in a long time. He really does care about you and I. So please, I'm asking you, as his friend, go see him."

TK's gaze flickered down to the visitor's pass in his hand. 

"Okay," he said with a nod. 

Michelle thanked him, gave him a quick hug, and then disappeared down the hall towards the elevators. 

"You want me to come with you?" his dad had asked once Michelle was out of earshot. 

"No, no, I think I need to do this alone," TK replied, gripping the pass tightly in his hand. "I _need_ to do this alone, Dad."

His dad nodded and patted him on the shoulder. He told him that he loved him and that he would be waiting. TK pressed that his dad go home and rest; he had an appointment in the morning and needed all the rest he could get. His dad was hesitant at first, but after some finally coaxing words, he agreed to go, but only if he could leave the gym bag behind. TK agreed to the terms and waited alone in the waiting room while his dad went back to the car to get the bag. They exchanged their goodbyes when Owen returned with the gym bag in hand, and now TK was all alone. 

_ you gotta get up tk, _ he told himself.  _ get up.  _

TK rose to his feet, turned towards the hall, took one final look at the visitor's pass, and then walked forward. 

Each step TK took down the hall to room 532 sounded so loud in his ears. The hall was eerily silent. He heard whispers and movement, but nothing else. He watched as the numbers passed him with each step he took. 5 _ 26, 528, 530 - 532. Carlos' room.  _ TK forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat as he stood in front of the door. It was ajar, and there was light filtering through the bottom of the door. He took a hesitant step forward, opening the door with a shaky hand, and walked into the room. He quickly closed the door behind him, pressing his hand against the door. 

_ beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. _

The faint beeps of the heart monitor were almost a comfort to TK. Carlos was alive. He was alive. Of course, when he turned around to see Carlos, he nearly fell to the floor. Carlos was lying motionless in a bed with wires and tubes twisting themselves in and out of his body. An IV drip was to his left, and then a heart monitor, BP monitor, and of  _ fucking _ course - a goddamn ventilator. 

"Oh, Carlos," he whispered. 

TK slowly walked up to the bed, his hands shaking at his sides. He could feel the tears at the corners of his eyes, and he quickly wiped them away. He had cried enough tears for one day, but he could only fight them off for so long. TK slowly sunk down into the chair next to Carlos' bed, and within moments, he slumped over with his head in his hands and started to cry.

And he cried.

And cried. 

And cried till his tears finally stopped, and the sobs had reduced to sniffles. 

TK lifted his head and then looked down at the bandaged hand in front of him. To think he was holding that same hand just a few hours ago, and it was covered in blood. He remembered standing over Carlos' limp body, begging -  _ pleading  _ for him to just hold on a little longer. Then he was in his dad's arms, sobbing like a child, and the ambulance's sirens were echoing in his ears.

Before all this, Carlos' hand was carded through his hair while he hummed him to sleep, tracing his fingers down his spine. They were lying in bed, enjoying each other's company, and curled under the blankets. Everything was just so easy when it was just the two of them. They could lie in bed for hours and not have to say a word to know what the other was thinking. 

_ is that what love feels like?  _ TK often wondered while they were in bed together. 

For a long time, he thought that Alex was his soulmate and that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. And now? Now, he was sure that what he and Alex had wasn't love. Maybe it was in the beginning, but in the end, the love had faded for one while the other hoped that the love was still there. 

Now, he knew was love was; and he was in love with Carlos. TK Strand was in love with Carlos Reyes.

"Hey Carlos," TK whispered. He bit his lip. He reached up and grazed the back of his knuckles against Carlos' cheek; clean-shaven as always. His lips quirked into a smile and he laughed. 

"Feels a little weird doing this. Never done this before actually. Not sure if I'm doing this right, but I just have to say that I love you. I love you! And I still need you, okay? I need you here, with me.  I want there to be an us. You and me. Carlos and TK. So please, if you can hear me, wake up," TK felt his voice start to crack. He choked on a sob, palming Carlos' cheek. "I love you, Carlos. I love you, and I need you to wake up, okay? Please?"

TK looked at the limp hand and scooted his chair closer to the bed. He lowered his hand from Carlos' cheek. He reached out and took hold of Carlos' hand, careful not to jostle the IV. He ran his thumb over Carlos' pulse point, just on the inside of his wrist. He gingerly lifted Carlos' hand, pressed a kiss to the open palm, and squeezed. He folded his free arm under his head to act as a make-shift pillow and laid his head down. TK glanced up, his eyelids growing heavier the longer he sat there. 

Oddly enough, Carlos looked peaceful. Like he was sleeping. 

TK felt the corners of his lips twitch, and a smile graced his lips. 

And after 14 hours of hell, TK finally allowed himself to succumb to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on tumblr (red-hairedwriter7) if you wanna talk about how tarlos will (hopefully) be endgame.


End file.
